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Anger. The first emotion mastered...

I look back and often think that being angry was just how it was. After all I had been witness to a man beating a cow to death with a metal bar. I watched another man violently shake his bird dog and break it's neck. I was no stranger to anger and it's uses. My earliest memory is kicking and punching my mother as she was pinned to the ground by my father. He told me to. I didn't know any better. I would often unleash my anger on calves on our farm. If they pissed me off swinging 5 gallon buckets at them wasn't uncommon. I then got older and was told that men don't cry. So I didn't cry, I got angry. I got angry because I couldn't get the job I wanted. I got angry because I didn't have what my heart desired. I was a sour person. Spent many years under the thumb of my father soaking in his anger. Then I got married and while I didn't beat my family. I would turn into a spitting frothing rage monster. I didn't understand it and couldn't control it. I have been so mind numbingly angry that I have blacked out and gone on a rampage. Amazingly I have never hurt a person. But now a days I recognize what triggers that rage. I understand that I have to step back and assess the situation. Figure out a new approach. My apologies to all those along the way who may have been hurt emotionally by my anger.

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